Why God Let C.K. IV Fall Out of The Shower

By: Dustin Miller

This story is not a normal story. It is a story so intense that every so often there must be a break ( some call it an intermission ) so that the listener is not unnecessarily overwhelmed by whatever emotions are aroused as they hear the details of this tragedy. Actually, this is one of those breaks and I bet I caught you off guard because it came so soon ( heh, heh, heh ). Anyways, from now on I will signal the intermissions and the teller of the story is responsible to do whatever he feels appropriate. Oh, I guess you wanted to hear the story. My bad!

C.K. IV was a fairly normal boy growing up at home with his parents, as I recall. He was very safety conscious and his boyhood prayers especially reflected this characteristic. He would ask God to keep him safe on the way to school, on his way to church, on his way home from church, on his way to see his friends, etc..... BUT, he never thought about THE SHOWER; and so the fateful day crept upon him unawares.

Well, C.K. IV eventually became a young man and went to Bible school. He studied hard and learned much and then the day came when the students left to go on a musical tour across the United States. That day C.K. IV, as well as all the other students from the Bible school, rolled out of the little driveway onto the road to spend the month singing. It was a beautiful day for C.K., a nice nap on the road, a good program, very hospitable hosts, but they say a day isn't over until it is over. As he relaxed, he wondered whether he should take a shower that evening or the next morning. He made his decision, stepped into the shower, and...


INTERMISSION


Where was I? Oh yes, he stepped into the bathroom and took a shower and went to bed to dream peacefully of seagulls soaring up and down, occasionally splashing into the water to grab little fish.

Well, as tour progressed, C.K. IV continued taking showers ( quite surprising, after that first memorable experience, isn't it? ). Then one evening, after a fairly uneventful program, C.K. IV and his sidekicks Moe and Joe stayed at the same place and they had....a shower.

That night C.K. dreamed again, and this time it was about a cat that was running around a rocking chair. The lady in the chair rocked back on the cat's tail, causing him to jump on the table, knocking over an oil lamp and setting the house on fire. In his dream, C.K. was uncomfortably close to the burning house and the flames grew hotter and hotter, until he could barely stand it. Suddenly, his eyes flew open, only to discover Moe assaulting his face with a hair dryer and the news that he better get on the ball if he wanted a ride on the bus.The fateful day had arrived, but C.K. had no clue that danger was lurking nearby.

He stepped into the shower and turned the water on just as he realized he had forgotten to get a washcloth out of the bathroom cupboard. He began to step out of the tub/shower combination, not thinking about the two inch difference between that tub and his tub at home. Well, he started to step out and....


INTERMISSION


Well, the trip to the bathroom cupboard and back was uneventful, and C.K. tried again to take his shower. Showers were not new to C.K. IV, and he was not easily frightened, but this time he feared for his life for some strange, unknown reason. But he went ahead and turned the water on again, anticipating its warmth. But then he noticed that...it was getting hot very quickly. "Oh no!" cried C.K., as he frantically tried to push the little button with his foot that would turn the shower off so he could adjust the temperature.

Let us take a moment to describe the shower curtain and rod in some detail. The rod was placed at a height at which C.K.'s shoulders were well above it. Consequently, the shower curtain came down the full height of the tub wall, plus some. Back to the story.

C.K. managed to get the shower button thing pushed down with a minimum amount of scalding, but as he brought his foot back...


INTERMISSION


As he brought his foot back, he unsuspectingly places it on the extreme edge of the shower curtain underneath of which is the curve connecting the horizontal and vertical parts of the tub. Needless to say, his foot continues following the curve of the tub to the left, and the top half of his body begins its descent to the right. The shower curtain and rod did not have a chance, if you'll remember their height compared to C.K.'s.

Back in their room, Moe and Joe became alarmed when they heard an eardrum-shattering crash from the general vicinity of the bathroom. They rushed to the door, but it was locked. "Should we call 911?" Moe asked Joe. "No, let's just bust the door down and see if he's alright." After several minutes of intense discussion, they decided to call his name and hope he would answer. "C.K.!" "C.K. IV! Are you alright?" Over and over they called through the door, into the bathroom.

Meanwhile C.K. sat helplessly in the bathroom, totally drained of his strength from trying to disentangle himself from the shower curtain. "Oh my, what will everyone think when they find out? What will they say?" Over and over he moaned these words, weeping a flood of tears.

What was that? Had he heard a voice? Yes? Through the plastic shower curtain he heard his name being called over and over, wondering if he was alright. " Yeah, I'm fine," he said disgustedly, as he finally unraveled himself from the shower curtain. Then C.K. thought of his shower. He was sad--and glad at the same time.

Emergencies were not new to Moe and Joe, but this time they feared for C.K.'s life. But, ten minutes later, they were glad to see him in one piece.

The legend of C.K. IV and his showers lives on in the hearts and minds of his dearest friends. And while this is based on a true story, I must state that it is fiction and must be regarded as such.