The ice looks good close up, by the way, I think as I try to recollect what had just transpired.
Oh yes. I was part of a stampede that poured through the ridiculously small opening and onto the ice rink. After only 5 seconds on this smooth but hard ice, I was getting awfully friendly with it. I get up, hoping that I won't get run over by the line of skaters advancing behind me.
Skaters with skates. Skates with really sharp edges.
I stagger to my feet and manage to grip the wall beside me in much the same way a starving man would grip his last morsel of food. I go slow, but at least I am unsteady. I know that doesn't make sense, but when it comes to being in close proximity with the ice, nothing makes much sense. I am going at such a low rate of speed that small children with walker-like contraptions are passing me right and left.
Meanwhile my friends are greatly amused by the dexterity with which I move on the ice. I have all the dexterity of an elephant on the dance floor. I should be good at this, but I am not. After all was I not in Canada for 2 years? Where hockey is a sport that reigns supreme? Alas, I realize one cannot be good at everything because that would be boring to everyone else.
After 2 laps my shin muscles become fatigued. I didn't even know I had shin muscles. This is not really true, but they are not muscles I spend much time thinking about. (Wanna' see me flex my shin muscles? Ooooh!)
As he goes by, Dervin grabs my arm in an effort to speed up my ponderous skating experience. I respond by flailing my arms wildly and crash to the ice. My kneecap smarts.
Am I alright, he wonders? Of course, I am. I can tell he feels bad for being the cause of my demise, in much the same way I felt bad for the guy I tripped up earlier. As usual, I, being in a constant state of losing control within 5 seconds at any given time, found myself laying upon the ice again. A cell phone lay nearby in a couple different pieces. Fortunately the skater was able to put it back together with minimal difficulty. (No cell phones were permanently harmed in the making of this accident.)
However, I do get better with time and my shin muscles no longer bother me, for which I am thankful. Once when we are taking a break, Dervin tells me that earlier a lady, that was part of our group came up behind him and lovingly put her arm around him. She was horrified when she discovered that he was not her dearly beloved husband. Instead, her dearly beloved husband was standing next to Dervin and practically rolling on the floor laughing at her. Dervin was also highly amused. This story gets repeated several times, much to the consternation and embarrassment of its subject.
Things could always be worse . . . it could've happened to me.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
PALM
Has this ever happened to you? Someone who's been taking note approaches you and asks if you have "the hots" for so and so. If only because they spotted you in a conversation with said person 47 times in the past 2 weeks. It's the bane of singleness.
In an effort to bring about reform, a friend of mine recently started the PALM club. No, he wasn't looking for people to accompany him to the Bahamas, or even get his way paid for that matter. Instead, he was simply attempting to assemble a group consisting of: (and I quote) "People Against Lousy Matchmaking". No, I am not making this up. But I digress.
We all know how easy it is to come to erronious conclusions that are based solely upon circumstantial evidence. I know, I'm a repentant perpetrator of this myself. Let me outline the problem a bit more by describing a hypothetical scenario.
Guy A is discovered conversing with Girl B yet AGAIN, by Person C. Alone. Person C assumes that since this is the 47th consecutive converstion Guy A and Girl B have had in the last 2 weeks that must certainly mean that he is "putting the moves" on her. Option #1. It's either that, or they're on the same committee and were just having another meeting (or closing a real estate deal). Option #2. It could be that, but that's not NEARLY as exciting as Option #1.
So Person C lays awake at night considering the possibilities.
For hours.
After concluding that something with romantic overtones is up, Person C then casually mentions this possibility to Person D. When Person D demonstrates some skepticism by saying something like, "Yeah, yeah, they were probably just having a committee meeting. Or maybe they were closing a real estate deal. Ever thought about that?"
Nevertheless, Person C is undaunted, after all, who needs daunts? He/she then lays out the evidence to support his/her conclusion. This is important in the event that something actually DOES come about of this relationship. That he/she has a witness to give validity to his/her claim that he/she saw it coming for a long time already.
A prediction such as this is worth a lot of points, and in this game one must rack up many points to keep from falling into the loser's bracket. Unfortunately, there are no points deducted for false assumptions.
To which I say, "Lose the game already!" The paltry bit of smugness one feels over knowing stuff before anyone else is not worth the risk of starting a rumor that is rumored to be quite possibly true. Maybe.
As Scripture states, "For he does not know what will happen; so who can tell him when it will occur?" (Eccl. 8:7) And again, ". . . If a tree falls to the south, or to the north, in whatever place it comes down, there it lies." (Eccl. 11:3) What do these verses have to do with the subject at hand? Easy, they basically say, "It's not over until the extremely gravitationally enhanced female sings," (to borrow the colloquialism).
Or don't jump to conclusions.
So remember this the next time you spot Guy A conversing with Girl B for the 47th time in the last 2 weeks. They're probably just having a committee meeting. (Or closing a real estate deal.)
Maybe.
But then again . . . maybe not.
In an effort to bring about reform, a friend of mine recently started the PALM club. No, he wasn't looking for people to accompany him to the Bahamas, or even get his way paid for that matter. Instead, he was simply attempting to assemble a group consisting of: (and I quote) "People Against Lousy Matchmaking". No, I am not making this up. But I digress.
We all know how easy it is to come to erronious conclusions that are based solely upon circumstantial evidence. I know, I'm a repentant perpetrator of this myself. Let me outline the problem a bit more by describing a hypothetical scenario.
Guy A is discovered conversing with Girl B yet AGAIN, by Person C. Alone. Person C assumes that since this is the 47th consecutive converstion Guy A and Girl B have had in the last 2 weeks that must certainly mean that he is "putting the moves" on her. Option #1. It's either that, or they're on the same committee and were just having another meeting (or closing a real estate deal). Option #2. It could be that, but that's not NEARLY as exciting as Option #1.
So Person C lays awake at night considering the possibilities.
For hours.
After concluding that something with romantic overtones is up, Person C then casually mentions this possibility to Person D. When Person D demonstrates some skepticism by saying something like, "Yeah, yeah, they were probably just having a committee meeting. Or maybe they were closing a real estate deal. Ever thought about that?"
Nevertheless, Person C is undaunted, after all, who needs daunts? He/she then lays out the evidence to support his/her conclusion. This is important in the event that something actually DOES come about of this relationship. That he/she has a witness to give validity to his/her claim that he/she saw it coming for a long time already.
A prediction such as this is worth a lot of points, and in this game one must rack up many points to keep from falling into the loser's bracket. Unfortunately, there are no points deducted for false assumptions.
To which I say, "Lose the game already!" The paltry bit of smugness one feels over knowing stuff before anyone else is not worth the risk of starting a rumor that is rumored to be quite possibly true. Maybe.
As Scripture states, "For he does not know what will happen; so who can tell him when it will occur?" (Eccl. 8:7) And again, ". . . If a tree falls to the south, or to the north, in whatever place it comes down, there it lies." (Eccl. 11:3) What do these verses have to do with the subject at hand? Easy, they basically say, "It's not over until the extremely gravitationally enhanced female sings," (to borrow the colloquialism).
Or don't jump to conclusions.
So remember this the next time you spot Guy A conversing with Girl B for the 47th time in the last 2 weeks. They're probably just having a committee meeting. (Or closing a real estate deal.)
Maybe.
But then again . . . maybe not.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Scene: GTC Dental Clinic
Hygenist Student: But, where is it?
Innocent Victim: Apparently I don't have a pulse. Try the other wrist.
Hygenist Student: Nope, not there either.
Dr. Kraus! Please help me. I can't find my patient's pulse.
Innocent Victim: Ha ha ha!
Dr. Kraus: He must be dead, but then I doubt he would laughing.
(Patiently) Remember: follow the vein from the thumb down to the wrist. See it's right here.
Hygenist Student: Can you feel a pulse?
Dr. Kraus: It's not in-your-face there; it's more like weak-and-faint there.
Hygenist Student: That is faint.
Innocent Victim: What was it?
Hygenist Student: 60 beats per minute.
Innocent Victim: Apparently I don't have a pulse. Try the other wrist.
Hygenist Student: Nope, not there either.
Dr. Kraus! Please help me. I can't find my patient's pulse.
Innocent Victim: Ha ha ha!
Dr. Kraus: He must be dead, but then I doubt he would laughing.
(Patiently) Remember: follow the vein from the thumb down to the wrist. See it's right here.
Hygenist Student: Can you feel a pulse?
Dr. Kraus: It's not in-your-face there; it's more like weak-and-faint there.
Hygenist Student: That is faint.
Innocent Victim: What was it?
Hygenist Student: 60 beats per minute.
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