PALM Mission Statement

I. We believe that coming to no conclusion is superior to coming to a false conclusion.

II. Therefore, all members shall refrain from drawing any conclusions simply on circumstantial evidence. (If drawing conclusions is absolutely necessary, it should be done on a piece of paper instead.)

III. These principles should apply to all areas of life, but these are outside of the scope of PALM. Therefore, these principles shall apply specifically to others' romantic/nonromantic relationships.

IV. All allegations of suspected romantic advances of others will be met with skepticism by the members of PALM.

V. Those spreading the allegations (allegators) must be educated by PALM members on the importance of coming to conclusions via proof.

For People Against Lousy Matchmaking,
Lou Sdeassuming

Things Mom Would Never Say
From Lloyd Kelly

1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."
3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery."
4. "Let me smell that shirt -- yeah, it's good for another week."
5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."
6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve."
9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve."