All for Twelve Ounces

Caramel Mochiatto. I didn't even know how to say it, much less spell it.

Nevertheless I forged ahead to order this -- this . . . thing with unknown properties listed on the Starbucks menu. The first thing I did was try pronouncing it to the girl standing next to me. "Moshiotta" was how it came out. I was quickly corrected. Thus I narrowly avoided making a complete fool of myself in front of a perfect stranger, the cashier. Not that she was necessarily perfect, although I had no way of knowing since she was a stranger, of course. She didn't look like a perfect stranger. But I digress.

Three dollars and twenty-five cents, plus tax! For twelve ounces of liquid refreshment.

"My money-saving device." I had said as I held up my world famous "life is good" Nalgene bottle for all to behold. My audience gazed in wonder at this phenomenom. The gall of some people, to bring a water bottle to Starbucks! What cheapskates!

It was time for a diversion. "Behold, my table-saving device," I announced in an effort to avoid ridicule.

Time to go order. Hopefully no one would be attracted to the table we had been sitting at -- the one with the Nalgene water bottle prominently displayed.

Well, the ordering was uneventful, if you consider narrowly avoiding making a fool of yourself by mispronouncing something as representative of high culture as "caramel mochiatto". Three dollars and fifty-four cents with tax. Wow, I might have to take out a small loan from my local lending institution if this continues. It's debateable whether they would give me the money since mochiattos seem to be a highly depreciable asset. Like down to zero dollars in fifteen minutes.

I dug deep and paid for the frothy, but expensive, twelve ounce drink as I tried not to think of the cost per ounce factor. In fact, I must have tried so hard that I never thought about it . . . until the next day. Twenty-nine and a half cents! What if everything I drank cost me this much, I wondered? Twenty-nine and a half cents an ounce for water? Ouch. If I averaged one hundred ounces per day, that would come out to Twenty-nine dollars and fifty cents.

And I thought my taxes were high.

In conclusion, I am thankful that Starbucks does not own the water running to my tap. Otherwise, you know those people that sleep under bridges and take showers once a month? Yeah? Well, that's why no one would be able to afford showers . . .