Hindsight 2009

CHAPTER 2

And after some time had elapsed, Wengediah journeyed forth into the land of the north to FBEP. For he desired to learn of the teachings delivered there by many of the hoary head. There was in the same place, a student who at that time began to make sport of the teachers there, for it was a talent show. And he didst put forth the theory that FBEP was symbolic, for he said it standeth for the Federation of Bearded Professors. And as he spake these things in their presence, they didst laugh at themselves for there were many of them who wore beards. And he spake yet even more and lifted up his voice saying, "Not everyone of these doth wear a beard, but they that do, make up for them that do not." And this did bring the house down, as it were. And after these sayings, he did sing a rap song based upon Proverbs 31.

And there Wengerdiah did learn of things even more profitable than this, for he did take a class of the Kingdom of God. And he did consider the ways of the world as it opposeth the ways of God. And he did study the history of theology and God's church. Also he studied upon the making of music at that time. And he wondered greatly upon these things.

And it came to pass, in the first year of the reign of Obamanus, that Wengediah returned to the place of his dwelling in the South. And it was that while he was reclining and taking his ease, behold, his LG 8300 did shine upon him with a bright light, and he heard the sound of the harp coming forth from its speakers. So he laid hands upon the device with haste and didst speak unto it, and the voice of Jonathas answered him from within saying, "Have I not need of thy services at this time, and why layest thou around wasting away? For there are some brick to be laid. Dost thou find it in thine heart to render unto me assistance?"

And Wengediah went forth to assist him, for the thing seemed good in his sight. And he did realize that though eating and drinking and taking his ease was pleasurable, behold, it doth have its drawbacks, for it causeth many of his garments to shrink. And in those days, when he didst step upon the scales, behold, a voice would call out from inside the scales saying, "One at a time, please." And he was grieved over this matter. And many were the scales that suffered at his hands in those days.

And when his days of servitude for Jonathius were accomplished, he went forth and did haul sand and gravel for the labor that he would perform upon his own dwelling place. And as he journeyed to his house from the gravel pit, lo, much gravel began to scatter upon the highway, and he did fear greatly for windshields and paint jobs of the others on that highway. And he thought it needful to stop beside the road and remedy the situation, and he was downhearted over this thing.

And straightway he heareth a voice saying, "Yea, my child, thou shalt surely leave this place. For I have a plan for thee. Thou shalt go to Minnieapolis, and thou shalt work for Billy Grahamus. For surely he doth have need of thee." And he wondered within himself saying, "From whence cometh this oracle, and what is it's source thereof? (And why shall it speak unto me in King James English?) " Then did he remember that Billy Grahamus was not a resident in Minneapolis in those days, and he knew through his discernment that this thing was not of the Lord. For this thing had previously been spoken unto a man whom he had listened to on a tape.

And so Wengediah hearkened not unto the voice and did not travel to Minneapolis to work for Billy Grahamus. But instead he searcheth and he discovereth a hole in the trailer that alloweth the gravel to spew forth withersoever it wisheth. So he laid hold of his shovel and scooped the gravel forth from the brink of the opening, and he was met with success in this thing. And he did fix this hole for the hauling of the sand, and his heart did rejoice in this solution. For the Lord helped him according to his need. And so he continued to labor for himself in those days and paid himself whatsoever he did require of himself.

And it came to pass that he went journeyed toward the East and there visited his friend in the city of Jerusalem. And he was in that same place for one month, doing all manner of tourism, relaxing, and a little labor.