The Words of Wengediah

CHAPTER 1

1. These are the writings of Wengediah, the nonprophet, in the land of Americites. 2. And it came to pass in the eighth year of the reign of Bushius that there was a famine in the land. 3. Yea, for there had been many in that country that had borrowed much money in exchange for expensive dwelling places. (And these were called "mortgages".) 4. For they had not hearkened unto the words of Larry Burkettiah who warneth the peoples in his day saying, 5. "Behold, there shalt come upon us an economic earthquake. I charge thee, 'Strive thou to live a debt-free existence, and thou shalt not be a servant to thy lender but a servant of the Lord. 6. But if thou findest it incumbent upon thyself to borrow, thou shalt not borrow beyond what thou canst easily repay. And thou shalt not borrow for depreciating items. 7. But it shall profit thee to live well within thy means and save some of thy income. 8. Then when financial tribulation cometh upon thee as a thief in the night (as it surely will), thou wilt be better able to withstand the day of trouble; for thou hast built up some savings to tide thee over.'"

9. Yet many of the people of the land did ignore his wise counsel and instead went forth and spent money hand over fist. And many even maxed out their credit cards and did not save for emergencies, nor did they save for what they purchaseth. 10. For they said amongst themselves, "Why troublest we ourselves over the finances of tomorrow? 11. For when tomorrow cometh, then shall we deal with our troubles (if they come). 12. Meanwhile, why do we put off the pleasuring ourselves with that which we might indulge in now? Let us eat, drink, and be merry and take our ease, for we have much credit to our names." 13. Yet there were those in the land that didst bemoan the materialism that ran rampant in that time.

14. And it came to pass, that trouble broke forth in the economy of the land, for many began to renege on their mortgages. 15. And these men would not repay that which was owed unto them, and lo, many institutions who had lent them money lost their upper garments, so to speak. 16. And after some time had elapsed, those who had lost their shirts caused many others to go under. For neither could they pay their lenders whatsoever they owed them either. 17. And, behold, the stock market did take a sharp dive over this phenomenon, and there was much fear and trembling on Wall Street. 18. And it came to pass that whilst these traders did weep over their lost earnings, that the Dow Jones did continue to sink lower and lower, even as the sinking of a ship. 19. And some investors bailed out of the sinking market whilst others began bailing out the market itself. 20. And in desperation, the elders and rulers of the country began to cast large sums of money at the big men in divers and sundry industries who yet labored to retain their upper garments. 21. Yet even after these bailings, was there weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. For the famine of finances was severe upon them in their eyes.

22. And this same famine did affect those who were builders of houses. For there were many of the sons of men who determined not to hire a builder to build them dwelling places at that time. 23. For they didst say among themselves, "Behold, our stock portfolio hath put itself in the tank, so wherefore spendest we money that we have not? Let us tarry and see what wilt come to pass in the financial markets."

24. And many of these builders did labor wherever they could, and they did hire themselves out to whomever wouldst take them for hire. And some did lower their required price for their labor. 25. And there were some desperate builders who chose to go even into remodeling. 26. And even Wengediah didst labor in the remodeling industry; however, much of the work that he did at that time was upon his own house, which did not pay very many shekels instantly, as it were. 27. For he remembered the parable that teacheth that paying oneself for the work that one doest for oneself is much like the old Indian who, when he findest his blanket too short, doth cut off a length from the bottom, and he goeth forth and doth sew this piece onto the top to lengthen it. 28. And so many days went by while Wengediah subsisted apart from many profits. 29. And at that time he did say within himself, "I am but an unprofitable servant." For he avoided too much labor by not working too much.